How often do you come across people attributing the difficulties in their life to ‘circumstances’, or to ‘situations beyond their control’?
And, how often have you seen your advice or suggestions being given a short shrift by these people? Interestingly, you would find them saying they rather agree with you but cannot follow your advice. This is called a “Yes..But” conversation.
These people think they are powerless in the face of their circumstances. They think they are helpless and cannot control anything that life thrusts upon them. So often we hear people exclaiming – I want to do social service, but I have no time; I want to unwind with my old college friends after office hours but my wife, who waits for me all day long, feels neglected if I go out without her; I want to catch up on my reading but my family seeks my attention on my off days, so I end up spending time with them.
Most people cite “losing control” as one of their most fundamental fears. Indeed, that perceived lack of control is a defence mechanism, one that helps us avoid going out of our comfort zones to make room for new things/people/activities and situations.
Stepping out of the comfort zone – a safe and familiar place, is challenging. People tend to pass it over because of the fear and anxiety of the unknown.
Consider this: No one has ever done anything one is really proud of while in their comfort zones. No wonder it is said – “life begins at the end of your comfort zone”.
When you really start thinking about what you control, you start to realise that the circumstances aren’t the question.
The question is, now that you know that you can control many things, all that is needed is to take the first step out of your familiar circumstances. But are you prepared to do so? Are you prepared to take the risk? Are you willing to give up the good and go for the great? Are you willing to believe that stepping away from the familiar terrain is worth it?
It is important to understand that people who are accustomed to the comforts of “I cannot”, “I do not want to” and “It is too difficult”, are attracting weakness, by not doing things for themselves and expecting others to understand them, and their so called “difficult” situations.
Truth be told, there are very few things in your life that you do not control – like the passing away of a family member, or the collapse of a company, or losing your job. Those things are hard, but they don’t have to be defining.
But the rest you still control. You control what matters to you. You control what you do on a Friday night. You control whether or not you listen to the sound advice of people who know better than you. You control the amount of time in which you will allow yourself to be complacent. You control whether or not you become the person you have always wanted to be. You control what you say.
What you do not control is other people… but you don’t need to. All of the things that built real meaning, and true happiness, like love, purpose of life, helping others, supporting the needy, and developing grit and resilience, are self-generated. That’s all on you. You can develop these if you really want to.
While you cannot have everything you want, you can have what you really want …all that is needed is your decision and planning your exit from the comfort zone. After all, your life does not get better by chance, but by change.
Instead of belaboring what you can’t help, try working on what you can. And discover your new life.
Your new life is going to cost you your old one, your comfort zone, your beliefs and your sense of direction. But it does not matter. Because you will love your new life. You will find new people who will help you move forward. And instead of being liked, you will be loved.
You will only lose what was built for a person you no longer are. Leave it. Let it go.
Also, by the same author: Going Beyond Ego: Listening to your inner voice more important than lending ears to society, friends, Facebook or Instagram – THE NEWS PORTER
The featured image on top by Jill Wellington from Pixabay has been used for illustrative purpose only.
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