So often we find ourselves trapped in our Ego but we do not even realise it. Let me explain. Sunil is a senior government official. As a child, he was a good student. His parents and teachers were happy with him. He passed out from a reputed school, studied at a top university, and landed a well-respected, high-salaried job. In due course, he got married and became a father of two children. He keeps his wife and children happy and goes to great lengths to accommodate them. Everything seems to be hunky dory in his life, yet Sunil is unhappy within. He is not at peace with himself.
Do you know why? This is because he is acting from his egoic, conditioned self, which is clueless about his true path and is deeply conditioned by the society.
Many of us are like Sunil, aren’t we? Even for a fundamental question like ‘How should I live my life’, we depend on our conditioned self for an answer, instead of going deep within. And the conditioned, egoic mind does not have the right answer to this simply because it is not equipped for it.
Mind is greatly influenced by the society in which we live; a society which demands certainty, purpose and adherence to the norms. So, it can only answer the question in a way the society deems fit. But the truth lies deeper, and not at the superficial, mind level.
Haven’t we seen many children whose parents are both doctors being goaded to study science, although secretly the child may be yearning to study music or play tennis. And if by chance the child seems to do well in science subjects at school and college, he/she realises that his/her parents seem to love him/her more. So, they study harder….and get more approval and love.
Is this the right choice?
And then, when the time comes to figure out whether they should study medicine or learn music, the answer is easy. Keep getting love…so get into a medical school and become a doctor. But was becoming a doctor really the right choice for the child?
[Also read by the same author: Mindful living is about doing each of your act by being fully present in the ‘now’ because this is all we’ll ever have – THE NEWS PORTER]
People like Sunil who thrive on looking good in the eyes of the society, are those who discerned early on in their lives that the society, including their families and friends, reward success with attention and respect.
So, they work harder and harder to achieve success in their career, at times going against their own grain, to please their boss or higher ups. Because to such people, ‘How should they live their life’ is secondary to ‘what will make me more loved and acceptable to the society’!
Since these people go too far to please the society, often times they end up feeling emotionally exhausted, stressed and anxious. This personality type often lacks self-confidence and has a need for external validation. It makes them feel that doing things for others will lead to approval and acceptance. Insecurity or traumatic past experience also make them “people pleasers”.
Such personality types rarely feel completely at ease and peace inside. Not that they contemplate suicide every day. But they do feel a sense of lack inside – a tug within, that says something is missing.
So, the obvious question is how should people live their lives?
Listen to your heart
The answer is simple. Go deep within and listen to your heart. Call it your inner voice, soul or higher self, if you will. Listening to your inner voice is more important than listening to the society, friends, Facebook or Instagram.
The next critical question is how to listen to the inner voice? It’s difficult most of the times because our egoic mind is constantly chattering and is very cacophonous. Therefore, it is important to quieten the mind so that you can hear the important stuff.
One way of getting the chatter to stop is through meditation and by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness and meditation are about focusing your awareness and attention to the present. So, if you are eating your food, then pay all attention to the food, its texture, the way you put it in your mouth, the taste and how you chew it, instead of thinking about the Netflix show that you are going to binge watch after the dinner.
And when your mind is very quiet, you can hear your inner voice. That voice is the voice of inner providence. Once you hear it, follow it. That’s all. This is all that is needed – quieten your mind, go within, and listen to your inner voice. You will find all answers there.
The main/featured picture on top by Pixabay has been used for illustrative purpose only.
An interesting discussion is definitely worth comment. I do think that you ought to publish more on this topic, it might not be a taboo subject but usually folks don’t talk about such topics. To the next! Many thanks.