Woman: Without her, Man is Nothing!

Why is our society conditioned to judge a woman so; why is the onus for being fertile or bearing a male heir all down to a woman?

THIS TOO SHALL PASS/By Punam Bakshi Mohandas

Recently, I came across this bizarre article published by the BBC, made all the more bizarre because it’s the truth! A pregnant woman went to the Lady Reading Hospital in Peshawar, Pakistan, in severe pain, with a nail protruding from her head!

Apparently, the sordid backdrop to this is that the woman already has three daughters and her husband threatened to divorce her if this baby she’s carrying turned out to be a girl as well. Under the influence (or pressure) from family, the woman consulted a faith healer, who “guaranteed” she’d have a son if he hammered a two-inch nail into her head! Well, we don’t know about that yet, but what is certain is that she had a serious head injury and had to undergo surgery to get the nail removed.

So, Twitter was quite indignant when this news was first out and many people had really mean things to say about this woman and her intellect – or lack thereof. To be sure, I was incredulous as well that someone actually agreed to this utterly outlandish solution for a son. However, what struck me more is the undue pressure our societies place on women to bear a male child – when a simple biology fact ought to tell men that it really is up (pun unintended) to them! It’s the husband of this poor woman who deserved something hammered into his head – facts!

Conversely, there’s this male friend of mine who fancies himself as a bit of a stud (his word). He’s been married nine years now and I know of at least one extra marital affair he’s had, as I was staying in his house at the time and the girl came over to visit. Recently, he confessed to me that the reason he doesn’t have children is because he’s been diagnosed with a low sperm count. It really plays havoc with his mind and makes him feel like less of a “man”. From there, it was textbook psychology to tell him that all his affairs were probably happening in a bid to assert his “manhood”, except that he couldn’t run away from the truth in his head and all he would successfully manage to do is run his marriage into the ground!

There is so much societal pressure attached to performance and children. And it doesn’t help that the moneyed class who can well afford the financial element, have turned surrogacy into a business! While it’s true that the mental as well as emotional stress of expectations affects both men and women, it’s indisputable that the adverse impact is greater on women. Just because she carries and nurtures the baby in her womb, she’s expected to assume the mantle for everything, from gender to infertility to impotency. I blame women for propagating these myths! We are so conditioned to believe in male superiority that even when we know it’s wrong, even when it causes us hurt and harm, we still go ahead and make a distinction between a male “heir” and a “mere” daughter when it comes to our turn to go forth and multiply!

I also hold the lack of access to awareness and knowledge on some basic facts to blame: Sex education in our schools is so underrated. (Does it even happen anymore?) I studied in a convent school and I remember one day there was all this agitated movement, the nuns walked around looking so self-important, we were made to sit in the Hall and then a priest walked in with his video projector; basically, we were shown horrendous photos of various abortion procedures and advised about first marriage/then children, wait for the right man/right moment, yadda, yadda, yadda.

In my opinion, at high school level we don’t need just the IKEA version of how Tab A fits into Slot B, but informed people who will give some detailed, expert knowledge on how babies are actually made – which includes who carries that vital gender chromosome! It is the man who impregnates; woman is the ‘Carrier’; both these halves fit to make a whole. That, perhaps, will go some way in eradicating the exaggerated notions that people have about a woman’s role in pregnancy!

• The illustrations from Pixabay have been used for illustrative purposes only

Punam Bakshi Mohandas is a journalist and writer with 25-plus years of work experience across India, Dubai and Thailand. A nomad at heart, having travelled over 43-countries at last count, Punam is also a film critic. She was a weekly columnist for the Hindustan Times (New Delhi edition), Delhi Midday, The Financial Express, The Statesman and the Times of India (Kolkata edition). She is also the author of the book, ‘Fallen Angels